Many of you are going to dislike, hate, and criticize me after looking at the title. But the truth is, I had to battle constant mental arguments to finally muster the courage and pen down my story.
Like any little girl, I dreamt of studying well, getting a well-paying job, getting married, having kids, and enjoying a stable lifestyle. But little did I know my life was not going to be normal. Today, I’m a 32-year-old woman (who’ll soon turn 33), still single and leading an extremely painful life with no one to even talk to.
Life seemed pretty perfect until I was in my final year of my Master’s, with my supportive dad who always encouraged me to dream big, a couple of great friends who had been more like a family, and my academics which kept me busy and motivated.
I’m the third kid among the 4 daughters my parents had. Having completed my Master’s, I was all excited to start a new career. However, life wasn’t as good for me as I had expected it to be. My life changed overnight when I heard the news of my dad’s sudden demise, leaving me devastated.
Things started going off-track, life was no longer easy for me. This was the time when I got in close association with my mom.
When I look at my childhood, I had no strong connection with her. I had been ignored by her my whole life, but the presence of dad made things look easier. Now, without him, it started getting difficult to even be around in that house. I grew up listening to her constant abuses and taking her emotional harassment.
My mom cares only about her eldest daughters. I don’t even remember when I had my last conversation with her. When my sisters pay a visit to my place, they all have a nice meal together like a happy family. But I’m ignored and mostly sent to my room.
The worst part is my mother gets extremely bitchy when my sisters are around. Every year for Deepavali and Sankranti, all my sisters get new clothes, but not me.
I have never worn new clothes at any of the festivals, if asked my mom would say, “You earn, you can get new clothes for yourself.”
Once my mom hid my sister’s pregnancy news from me. When I asked why her tummy was so big, they said it’s bloated. Come on, who in the world hides this from her daughter? I’m never involved in any conversation or discussion at home; my duty is just to pay bills and stay there.
If I tried to get involved, my mom would pass some nasty comments on me and push me away. A minute-by-minute update goes to my elder sisters, who would guide her on what step to be taken next.
Once I got an insect bite that seemed poisonous and changed the color of my hand to blue. Instead of rushing me to the hospital, my mom called up my sister to ask what has to be done. She didn’t take me to the hospital until she got a green signal from her beloved daughter.
My mom never takes me to any functions, shopping, or even to the nearby store. I don’t have any memory of her. Even today, she would take my sister along with her for weddings and parties. She even ditched me on my niece’s birthday. I was asked to come all by myself if I wished to, otherwise stay at home.
When I turned 30, I decided to get married and have a family of my own who would love and respect me. My mom never took an effort to even find a guy for me.
Unfortunately, I never had a boyfriend, and I had to depend on my family for marriage. No one ever cared about my marriage, so I registered on a matrimonial site. I spoke to a guy and asked him to come home to meet our family.
Though I didn’t get a good vibe from the guy, I agreed because I wanted to get out of this hell. My family never put an effort to do the background check or whatsoever. Eventually, this guy turned out to be a conman asking me for money. Though I have been trying for the last three years, nothing is going in my favor.
Things got worse when I found out that my mom is searching for a guy for my younger sister. When I confronted her about why she is not bothered about me, her reply was shocking.
She said, “We cannot spoon-feed you all the time. If you are so desperate to get married, who is stopping you? I can’t make her wait because you are unable to find a guy for yourself.”
I’m 32 now, still single, still ignored, unloved, and hated. I fail to understand what wrong I did to deserve such behavior from my mom? All I want is a little love and peace of mind. Why do people give birth to children when they can’t give them these basic needs?
This is a small poem I wrote for her. I hope I don’t offend anyone; apologies if I do so.
It’s okay to not like your mom!
Giving birth doesn’t make someone a mom
Please let your child lead a life of peace and calm.
Don’t her your child give up on her dreams
Being selfish enough to design your life full of gleams.
The fear of your loneliness makes you keep her with you forever
Ignoring her happiness, dreams, and desires.
In the process of dissolving your loneliness and solitude,
You have damaged her life with your terrible attitude.
Your insecurities and lousy behavior
Has damaged your child’s life beyond repair.
Don’t let her sacrifice for you to live a life you always wanted
I wish someday you realize the damage you have created.
by Debomitra Das